Tell her she can't have a vagina
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
