I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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