i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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