I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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