I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
