He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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