Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
