i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
