the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
