It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
