I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
