I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
