:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
