Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
