you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
