UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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