WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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