And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
