I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
