My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
