I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
