I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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