It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
