Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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