I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
