yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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