When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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