she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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