I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
