i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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