your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
