I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
