i love accidental penises.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
