I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
