You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
