Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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