R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
