So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
