the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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