I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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