I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
