Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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