I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize