Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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