the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
