Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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