I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
