Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
