Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize