Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
