Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
