He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Shame - the story of my life.
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