Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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