Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
