took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
