Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
