Non-Jews are for practice
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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