Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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