Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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