my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
