i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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