Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
