i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
