i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Even my vagina gasped.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
