Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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