she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
