i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
In America we eat man semen.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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