omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
