ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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