so explain again why im purple
no
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
