how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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